“Sir, have you actually seen the creature?”
“No, but CNN and the government spokesperson said there was going to be an increase in sightings this winter.”
“Do you know anyone who knows someone who’s seen the creature?”
“No, but I saw a post on the internet from a person who said their grandpaw did, and he died.”
“On the internet, you say.”
“Yes.”
“And what makes you think the creature is hiding in the woods behind your house?”
“I saw some footprints. And the Governor said the creature leaves footprints.”
“Sounds like Bigfoot to me.”
“Oh no, this creature is not like Bigfoot at all.”
“It’s not?”
“No, Bigfoot sightings have been around for a long time. This creature is new, and the government says there will be way more sightings.”
“They did?”
“Yes, sir.”
“And just what is it that you are afraid of?”
“Seeing it–I don’t want to drop dead like that person’s grandpaw. And just last night, CNN showed a video of a college student dropping dead after he saw one on the beach. The creature had already left, but you could see the guy’s drunken buddies dragging him away.”
“Drunken buddies?”
“Yes, sir.”
“And why do you want me to arrest your neighbor?”
“Because he’s been walking around in the woods in complete violation of the Governor’s mandate. And I’m afraid he’s going to bring the creature back with him.”
“How is he going to bring the creature back if people drop dead during a sighting?”
“Duh, he wears sunglasses as recommended by the CCC.”
“The CCC?”
“Center for Creature Control.”
“Never heard of it.”
“They just created it last week.”
“They did?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Well. I’m afraid there is no law against walking in the woods.”
“But the governor said–.”
“The Governor says a lot of things. He’s an idiot.”
“Oooh, I’m going to report you.”
“Please do; they’re defunding us anyway.”