“Sir, new research proves there was life on Mars. And I’m not talking microbial.”
“Are you saying Martians lived on the Red Planet?”
“Yes, but it was not always red.”
“How do you know?”
“Antarctica, Sir—we found a Martian spacecraft underneath the ice. And according to their logs, Mars was blue just like earth.”
“Amazing, what turned it red?”
“Stupidity.”
“Stupidity!”
“Yes, Sir.”
“How so?”
“Some of their researchers wanted to keep their cush jobs, so they spewed out a bunch of “End Of The World As We Know It” crap to all the college kids. And well, those suckers believed it. Before long, they were getting one grant after another, so they kept it going, and why not? The money was good. But years later, things got a little out of hand.”
“Out of hand?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Explain yourself.”
“Well, all those kids graduated being scared of every little piss-ass thing their leaders told them to be scared of, and a few of the rich ones became scientists. And wouldn’t you know it, they figured out a way to save themselves with a weather modification machine. You know, to cool the planet and all.”
“But they’re all dead.”
“Like I said, dead of stupidity. And Sir, some of our best scientists are rich college-educated kids.”
“I see where you’re going with this, and that could be a problem. But hey, the money is good, right?”
“That is is, Sir, that it is.”